hey grandpa,

i know you want me to be doing my homework right now but I’m not. its just kind of odd for me being home and you’re not awake at this hour with me. usually we’re just at the table watching tv and eating something, or anything haha. or I’m up waiting for you to come home from bingo, but now it feels like I’m still waiting for you to walk through that door yelling “i won!” haha. its weird that you’re not in your chair waiting for the news to tell you what the weather is going to be like or that we’re not sitting down reading the paper while drinking hot chocolate at 2am. i find myself up late at night working on homework, waiting to hear your voice from behind me, telling me “go to sleep now, its already getting late” or “why do you always wait until the last minute.” 

but its okay grandpa, i’ll always have that voice in my head. always pushing me to do better. always wanting me to improve. always wanting me to do my best. i’ll never forget your voice.

and even in the hospital, i know you were still listening to me when i made you that promise. i promised i would always be by your side, no matter what. i promised that i’d be the one to pick you up from the hospital to take you back home. i promised you that i’d take care of the garden and all the fishing stuff and finish organizing your desk like i said i would..so long as you kept your promise. you promised me that you’d try and get better and that you’d rest. i made you promise me that you would do all you could to recover and you agreed that you would.

and now, well, you may not physically be here right be side me every night, but i’ll always have you wherever i go, because i know you’re watching over me somewhere. you kept your end of the promise; i know you were trying really hard, and thats all i could ask for.

but its nice to know you don’t have any more pain to complain about. you would always complain about how you could never sleep at night, but i know you would take long naps during the day! you never admitted it though haha. or how your shoulders would hurt, but as soon as we’d go fishing you had no trouble casting your trademark “green” pole haha. or how about when you’d go bingo, and suddenly you were so energetic and loud that when you’d holler “bingo!” it’d scare the people next to you. hahah well i know i’ll never forget times like those grandpa.

or you know what i’ll never forget grandpa? the fact that you’ve been at every single one of my graduations, from kindergarten to high school, you’ve been the one person i always search for in the crowd because i knew i could count on you being there. it never mattered what time or what day, you’d always be there, no matter what. 

and really, it was everything! i remember the times before i could even drive, you’d do anything i asked. if i had to be at school at 6am you were up and ready every morning. if i had to stay at school til 6pm, you were there to pick me up. not ever a second late, and always minutes early. well, you’re the one who taught me “if you’re not early, you’re late” …or something along those lines. but grandpa, i just wanted to let you know that I’m thankful for everything you’ve done for me.

i mean, even in your later years, i’ve never seen an “old” guy do as much as you. or as stubborn as you. like, remember when the doctors said they think you should consider not driving anymore? and what’d you do two weeks later, yeah i remember: you went to the DMV to renew your license…and missed a single question haha. not surprised, you’ve got the best reading comprehension skills i’ve ever seen…too bad that trait skipped me, along with common sense…or the time after you biopsy? i remember that you were in the hospital complaining about how you weren’t allowed to get up or walk around…and what’d you do when i picked you up and brought you home? you picked those damn flowers and tomatoes even after i told you to get some rest first haha. stubborn as usual.

well grandpa, i know this post can go on and on, but you’re probably getting sleepy, or getting ready to read the latest tom clancy book before you go to sleep. i hope you get some actual rest this time, since i know you’re about as comfortable as it’ll get. but I’m going to stay up a little later because i still have to finish my homework…nothing new to you though huh? haha well goodnight grandpa, i’ll see you later, love you :)